2006 reflections

As i sit and listen to "I believe" by Shin Seung Hun, I reflect on 2006 and a host of issues. I've come to think that the world is about what we are made of. It is about what we have. How we adapt to it. Impression management. And your friends. Your truly good ones. It is about who u can share your joy and sorrows with. About those you won't be embarrassed to show ur stupidity or ur soul to.

I believe that 2006 hasn't been an exceptional year that it could have been. It should have, but it didn't turn out that way. Start of 2006, I was awarded the PSA scholarship. But I turned it down when a more logical thing would be to stand amidst family pressures and take it up. I lost the opportunity to work with a good friend. But the least that came out of it was that I made that good friend.

JCRC was a farce. 2 times the work. Zero appreciation. Not that I wanted it, but at the end, I think I was glad it was over. I effectively gave up my job, my future job, my past jobs, my agency, my friends, and my nussu groups for something that i didn't embrace at its finality. For those who gained from my lobbying, I hope u all enjoyed it. I don't ever think I'll lobby so hard for anything again. It was stupid pitting myself for others-waiver of washing machine fees (which no one wanted to bring up until i put my head there to be chopped), running ard osa, oed, ohs for shelters, getting ppl back to hall, the one week of hell which change my academic life forever with Points Award Board. How i passed everything not studying a bit for all my midterms during last sem was a wonder. There was more which i shall not expound on even.

Konzen Group and my working in Shanghai and Tianjin was a saving grace of the year. I made some good friends, some friends and some acquaintances. I feel heartened to say that a couple of them i believe form an important part of my life. The Konzen experience gave me the kick that i needed i believe, to refresh and wake up. It allowed me to get away. To sightsee on my own. To be touched by the hospitality of the Chinese. To understand loneliness. To understand the comfort of Singaporeans overseas. To know my value in society. To live in the dreamy world at times. To also understand fate (yuan fen). To know that if it isn't yours, even if you agree to meet in Shanghai, you'll still not meet. To know that it is the ability to COMPLETE that is most important and not the ability to DO.

When I returned to Singapore, and after stepping down in September, I set out to re-establish friendships. To meet up with those in Venor. To meet up with those that I've neglected. So far, there are too many to meet and I decided that it is essential to meet the core first amidst the terrible schedule. School was punishing. Extremely. I barely caught sleep in year 3 sem 1 due to academics. It was sleep, study, eat. Rarely did i get to play. I did lose abit of discipline and catch shows on pplive but it was on the whole extremely punishing. My results were astoundingly poor however, and it has told me that society and not academia awaits me; I shall actively seek a job or set up a company in 2007. Right now, I'm just soaking it all in, and testing to see if i get the right people to help me. If not I'll just do a job or go the mile alone.

Financially, this year has been smooth though extremely strenuous towards the end. It was expected with my tuition agency savings drying out, and not working for so long and supporting daily life and hostel fees. I count myself blessed though, compared to those who cannot afford their meals. I know how they feel and if ever I make it one day, I'll remember to get education policies right. I can't say that I'm like Martha who wants to open a soup kitchen for the poor cuz I'm no saint, but i'll help out and source contacts for the soup kitchen if she ever establishes one.

Friendships are undergoing a consolidating time. I've finally decided that I don't know who I can turn to if I need someone to talk to. As in I can't tell one person everything in entirety because I truly don't know a person totally. And I figure it is time to be better friends with the few that are really what i consider good friends now because I don't want to lose them later in life, like those i lost over these 2 years. It is no good to know the world. It is better to know a few well and savour the world with them.

On this very cold rainy day, for all those with a good mate with you now, make sure you hug and hold the other person tight, remembering this day, because memories walk with you in yesterday's today. But the warmth you feel is forever.